Colors

Last weekend was Easter weekend.  When I was young, Easter was the signal for the switch from winter wardrobe to summer.  When I was young there was not four seasons plus for clothing.  Plus we usually only had one Sabbath dress for each of our two seasons.  For us in the lower end of the income scale, it was called an outfit. 

Therefore, for me Easter is a time to celebrate….out with itchy cumbersome winter clothes which were usually rather dull and in with the light airy summer frocks which were usually bright and cheery; plus, more importantly…it was time to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection.  That by itself should have been enough to bring out cheerful clothes.

So I was totally surprised that everyone but the teacher and I, was wearing black clothes.  Even my daughter.  The teacher wore his usually uniform of khaki trousers, striped shirt, and navy blazer but without his usual bow tie.  How ironic that the Sabbath School lesson was about Joseph and his coat of many colors and his redemption of his brothers which mirrors Jesus’ redemption of us.  Surely it was a time to celebrate.   Bring on the colors.

definition

so much of life is so hazy.  my daughter and i were discussing self identity on the ride home from Leslie's gym class. not sure how we came to the subject, but i was reminded of what i have know for a while.  i have a tendency to identify myself with my work, which is-i am told- a more masculine trait.  it may be because most  my female relatives have had work outside the home.  my great-grandmother worked as a teacher, watchmaker, and secretary.  my grandmother Caryll had a radio program (paid) for a while and wrote newspaper columns for the local paper (unpaid) after she retired from her game warden position for the state of South Dakota.  m mother worked as a secretary and teacher.  my sis worked as a secretary, teacher, and principal. one of my aunts and two of my great aunts were teachers.  my daughter teaches.  

but all that being said, our work is not us.  the only two definitions i could identify with any certainty that applied to myself were....artistic and independent.   seems rather skinny but maybe it is enough.  

changes

when we first moved in, we thought we were going to have a green based decor.  after a while it changed to blue sort of by chance.  then, well then we bought the dining room chairs.  red.  lots of red.  so moved the blue runner from the little buffet and put the red and green one on; moved the norfolk island pine and put up sis's flowers in her red vase.  

the chairs are very comfortable.  we had tested many, many chairs and this one was a winner.  besides we liked all the brass tacks around the bottom.  looks sort of western.  now i don't recognize the room.  the old chairs were starting to fall apart.  

fitting in

It is Sabbath morning—six o’clock.  I am up because of an aching leg, hungry stomach, and a complaining head.  It is not what you think, too much to drink.  The cause is old age plain and simple.  But it did give me an excuse to watch my new sprinkler system in action for the first time.  Quite impressive—all the ground was well watered as were the Adirondack chairs. 

Most Sabbath mornings have been spent catching a few more winks before showering and going to church.  At first going was because the parents were going, then because mom was going, then because the college took roll, then because my job required it.  Finally after an off and on again relationship, it was back to being pretty regular but this time because I wanted to be there. 

For most of my adult life Sabbath school has been more interesting that church, though there have been one or two very good speakers.   The one series I remember and liked was based on John.  But the pastor did finish the book as the congregation complained.  Guess it was too much like study; however, I love the book of John.   Sometimes the music was more inspirational than the sermon; sometimes the congregational singing was the blessing for the day.  Late in life I was introduce to a liturgical service and found it to be a great fit.  I suppose that many in my church may shy away from it because it is not Protestant enough for them.  I like the congregational involvement and the parallel thoughts from different parts of the scripture.  The homilies are usually short and well thought out.  And best of all, the church has a grand pipe organ.  

Now I am in a small community where I drive ten miles of county roads to church.  It is a very small but involved congregation consisting of people from small communities and ranches.  Blue jeans are not banned as they were in my previous church.  Sometimes we get a little silly about our perceived right and wrong.    No organ, sigh, no liturgical service.  Sermons vary from a read though by a parishioner, a played DVD prepared by the conference, a real pastor’s homily (quality greatly varied), or church at another church—as it was today.   

My sis is consistent in telling me that folks in this area are honest, hard working people.  From what I can tell, they are not any different than the rest of the country.  There are affairs, divorces, illegitimate children, traffic violations, misuse of funds, political intrigue, and late return of library books.   The noticeable difference for me is educational level here as compared with my former residence.  Ten percent of the population has a bachelor’s degree or higher whereas I came from a community where 67 percent of the population had a bachelor’s degree or higher.  Do not misunderstand; they still affairs, divorces, illegitimate children, traffic violations, and the misuse of funds, political intrigue, and the late return of library books.  But, the difference was not that one community was honest and hard working and the other was not.

Why am I here?  Because my sister is here and we cannot really afford to live separately on just our social security.  She is here because her family seems to be more permanently in one area than my family.  I choose to be here.  The cost of living is definitely less expensive than many parts of the country and I love the scenery and the clarity of the air. 

There are some islands of social brightness that feed my mind and body and there is always travel, books, and the internet.  I am able to read thought provoking commentaries of the Sabbath School lessons along with other matters of spiritual interest by using the internet.  I can keep up on the news and in touch with my friends and former students.  There is an mp3 player for music (although not the same as live) and shopping—well, the internet is getting more and more use, but I still like to actually touch, see, and try on items.  That necessitates driving some distance.

We didn’t go to church this morning because our church was closed and the area meeting was too far for us.  Today only it was to far, because we wanted to go to the library in the afternoon and hear an author from a neighbor state talk about his latest book.  He is not just a local phenomenon, but is a best seller in the US and in France, and has literary awards from both countries.

So here I stand, jammy clad, on the back deck, watching the sprinklers do their magic.  It is quiet, the air bright, and the coffee hot.  I am at peace.  

a melancholy life

It is probably impossible not to lead a melancholy life when all the medications taken warn of drowsiness.  I suppose it might be possible to be silly and tired….not in my case though.  I started life as a serious child with nothing in the middle to lighten the burden.  Epitaphs such as “Still water runs deep” piled up with each stage of my life. 

By the time I was in college all the fun had been pushed into the corners.  I’m not saying that it was the fault of those around me.  They seemed to be having a pretty good time.  For example, my sister had dates.   Lots of dates.  She even had two dates in one evening and tried to pass off unwanted dates to me.  In fact, she had so much fun in high school she missed being valedictorian even though she is way smarter than I.   Even now when we are in our sixties, she has dates.  

I blame my melancholy on my Swedish ancestors.  Just way too much uncolor in their life:  potatoes, white sauce, snow, lutefisk, snow, turnips, and more fish.  How can that be a party?  After being stuck in a cabin for the greater part of the year because of cold and snow, you pretty much have used up any mystery about the other parties sharing your space.  I think I need a little vodka.  Well, maybe a cup of strong coffee and a good book would do.  I can see how the people in Babette’s Feast fell victim to unimaginable lives.  The French blood I do possess is so watered down that if takes a Long Island Tea to wake it up.  I had a cousin who could sit in the weak light of the morning with her mother – each with a cup of coffee- until it was clearly paste breakfast without saying a word to each other.  How melancholy is that?  

My grandmother thought I would never learn to talk because my mother and father were not talkers.  I think you have to talk if you want to break free of the blues.  ‘

It is easy to mistake melancholy for seriousness.  I do not think that they are congruent, but they certainly cross paths.  My penchant for serious things exhibited itself as soon as I could read.  I was a very serious reader, inhaling books, all kinds of books.  My favorite activity was going to the library.  The smell of books was intoxicating.  I sometimes choose a book by the smell of the pages.   I cannot remember if that really worked for picking interesting books, but I can remember the smell of books.  Weirdly, I wound up working my way through college working in a bookbindery.   Unfortunately, the smell of book glue sort of ruined the smelling book thing.  At least for awhile.  Older books had a much different smell  (more inviting, alive)  than the new books.

Mistakenly, I though all people who went to college were interested in learning, in books, and were smart.  Then I thought it was just because I was at a church college that it wasn’t true, and that if I was at a ‘real’ college, everyone would be interested in learning, and in reading, and would be smart.  Ha!   I am such a slow learner.  It took awhile for the truth to sink in. A degree only means you figured out how to pass the classes.

There were not very many students who had spent time watching Greek plays on Sunday afternoon (of their own choice) while the rest of the family was doing something else (I know not what-I was really into those plays).

So here I am at sixty, still seriously afflicted with melancholy, so much so that watching Norbet with my relative was totally painful.

busy day

As my mother reached her eightieth decade she became boastful about the days when she did three things.  My sister and I have since made it the standard of a successful day for us even though we are not eighty ….yet.   Close.

According to the standard—we had a very successful day.  We almost did ten things:

1.     exercise with weights at the rec center

2.     took a new route through the northern hills to Rapid taking lots of  fall pictures along the way

3.     ate lunch at a new restaurant to us in Nemo (we asked for the kid’s meal and they let us order it and we could have happily split that)

4.     stopped at the food bank for snacks for the after school program

        (sis got a hug from the old duffer that runs the place--we decided that made us dufferettes)

5.     shopped at Sheels for sis’s swim goggles

6.     shopped at Gordman’s for décor for the centerpiece we are making for sis’s workshop in October  (found a tiny cowboy boot for two dollars)

7.     shopped at Michaels for décor for the centerpiece  (found tiny hay bails and a little cowboy and a matching sized calf --didn't cost much)

8.     shopped at Borders for books and a coffee break—the pumpkin bread is really good - had a coupon for 40% off, yeah

9.     stopped at Pier One to look at all the pretty things and wound up buying four dining room chairs - had a coupon for 20% off

I am now officially broke.  We did need different chairs, sort of.  The little chairs with slatted seats were starting to fall apart when the traditionally built women in our family sat in them.   Sigh. 

I think my resolve not to spend money just dissipated after a hard day of shopping, driving, eating, and working out.  I almost made it. Just should not have made the last stop.  The chairs are cool though.

morning coffee

Sis and I have been trying to be good about our exercise.  We have been swimming at least twice a week and last week when the they closed the rec pool for cleaning we went to the weight room three times.  Friday sis had a meeting at the rec center after we finished with our weights so I decided to venture over to the coffee klatch table. 

This was a big adventure for me.  Normally I have a book or magazine and just entertain myself.  And am quite happy about it.  But my sister, the social one, has been trying to encourage me to mix.  She will lead me into a group of people and sit down with me and then get up while someone is talking to me and leave me all alone.   Well, except for the people I am supposed to mingle with. 

So back to the coffee regulars.  Am not sure if they really do any walking, weight lifting, or swimming, but there always seems to be a mixed group of oldsters hanging out in the lobby.  There are not really any old time cafes in town so the rec center lobby seems to be the place to be.  We have a very nice coffee shop, but I think the coffee is a little too fancy and a little too pricy for this group.  But, I don’t think you can sit in the lobby and drink their coffee unless you pay your dues.   

I walked up to the table and was greeted with friendly hi’s.  The first topic of conversation was roses.  To trim or not to trim in the fall.  A elderly lady of great self assuredness    stated that she always cut her roses down to about twelve inches high in the autumn, (whoops….fall) and lightly mulched them.  I mentioned that I had just read that you were not supposed to trim roses in the autumn after I had trimmed my climber.  Well, her roses were teas so that was okay.  She did it every year (implying it worked just fine).  The woman with the question had a shrub rose so was quite confused as to the care for hers. 

After the conversation noodled around it settled on canning.  The lady with frizzy dyed hair, “I just put up over a hundred jars of tomatoes.  I had five jars in the last batch but didn’t want to waste the pressure cooker for just five so I put up three jars of chicken.”  I stated I didn’t can because I was afraid the pressure cooker would blow up.  The frizzy haired lady admitted that she was afraid at first but her husband taught her how to can.  The other ladies just stared at me.   In an attempt to change the subject, I asked if anyone made tomato preserves.  I thought they would probably know about tomato preserves as my grandmother always made them.  Again stares.  The frizzy lady knew, but said she did not like them.  To me there is nothing finer than tomato preserves on fresh baked whole wheat bread.   Where are my soul mates?

More people arrived and finally there seemed enough men for them to have their own little pow-wow.

By now I was pretty much silent.  The foray into the use of ancestory.com was thwarted when the newcomer stated, “ they don’t always have the correct information and I don’t want mine changed.”  I tried to explain it would not change your information unless you directed it to do so with no success. 

My last intrusion into the conversation concerned the use of computers.  They did not seem to understand the verb googling, nor did they understand that excel was not just a grid in which to organize information.  The idea of actually manipulating the data was greeted with silence.  It all came to an end when I suggested that instead of putting the time for the pills on the spreadsheet, she could use Google calendar and it would pop up reminders to take the medication.  “Oh, well, that wouldn’t do much good—the computer is downstairs.”  “Well,” said I, “you could put it on your smart phone and it would remind you.”  It sent them over the edge.  I left.

Christmas Letter 2009

Dear family & friends:

It has been a busy year for a retired person.  

In May, my sis and I went to England and France (just Paris) for two weeks; which, of course, was not long enough.  We did a literary tour of places we had read about or had seen on TV or in the movies.  My favorite event was evensong in Gloucester Cathedral. My favorite place was Paris, I suppose because I thought I would never get there.  

But the big event of the year was the arrival of my first grandchild, Leslie Marie Helbley.  I am in California for a year to help with Leslie while Jennifer teaches chemistry at La Sierra.  Kieth is working for a company that makes sensors--mainly for oil companies.  

Neal and Jenny are both working for La Sierra University.  Neal is interim network chief--not official work title--and Jenny is secretary for the art department.  She is enjoying talking Photoshop classes.

I drove my Mini out to California in June.  It has run flat tires so is a hard ride, but not uncomfortable.  I was able to stay overnight at my cousins in Grand Junction.  We had a very nice visit.  I wouldn't mind living in Grand Junction.  

There are not many Mini's out here.  California tends to buy Japanese.  I guess there would be more Mini's on the east coast. I try to buy local so I don't have to drive the freeways.  But Keith and Jennifer, and Neal and Jenny have taken me to IKEA.  Truly an experience.  Also have been to the San Diego Zoo.  

Christmas is strange without snow and cold......but I am not missing the zero weather back in South Dakota.  

I have started painting again and have managed to finish four acrylics of various sizes. 

Happy Christmas to everyone and a wonderful New Year.

Mini Cooper - how to fix broken car latch

if you are in the middle of the nation where there are no mini dealers, maybe you shouldn't have a mini, but if you know the right people--well then it is ok.
i thought i had broken the latch on the driver's side.  i foolishly tried to open lock and latch at same time and heard a terrible ratcheting sound.  i could open door by reaching my hand outside and pulling the latch, but not by the inside latch.   the fix! well, i drove to california (not just for this, but for an extended visit) and my engineer son-in-law volunteered to have a look see.

after removing the door, (many visits to internet) he discovered (internet also) that many minis have this problem.  the latch is not broken, but the cable has stretched.

following are pictures of his fix.

1. cutter and inside clicker part of mechanical pencil

2. cut piece

3. cutting piece to length to use a shim

4. cutting grove with hacksaw

5. shim in place on cable

now all that needs to be done is to put door in place.

getting armrest off was a bit of hassle - slightly different that the one shown on line.

YEAH!!!!!!!

around riverside

this summer i have been water walking in jennifer and keith's community pool.  i try to go early in the morning before there are a lot of people.  some mornings the air is cool, but after a few laps it is just fine.

now that jennifer is in school i watch leslie in the morning.  it is still too hot to go in the afternoon even though the kids are now in school.  i have been talking leslie for stroller rides around the neighborhood for her entertainment and my exercise.

grandbaby's weekend

four generations: 2-kaye, 4-leslie, 3-keith, 1-ellen




almost all the grandparents. grandfather & grandmother helbley; grandfather & step-grandmother lawson; and of course, leslie




dedication pastors with leslie & parents
la sierra church, california, september 5, 2009.

trying to get the roots right

there are versions of my attempt to get the bottom part of the picture correct. it looks better on here than it does in life. does it need a little bird in a nest, or squirrel or something a little cutesy? i started out trying to making in light and airy, but it turned out rather gloomy, rather like a old russian novel.
i think the roots in this one look a little awkward and not attached to the tree although the photograph is rather like this. sometimes it is hard to believe real life.


the background of trees and grass has lots of color but lacks vitality.

connections

I am in California for a while as nanny for my first grandchild. She is a cutie, but a great occupier of time as most babies are.

Therefor, I am learning new routes, new driving rules (motorcycles, for example, can drive in the space between lanes), new stores, and new faces.

My daughter does a lot of shopping at Food-4-Less, which I immediately figured out was part of Kroger (cans labeled Kroger!). I tried my scan tag which said King Soopers and it worked. I have now used the card in Colorado and California in the following Kroger stores: King Soopers, City Market, and Food-4-Less. I have seen Ralphs in California, but have not been inside...yet!

Libraries across the country must have very tight connections. When I got a new card in Belle, they would only let me check out two books. When I got a new card in Riverside, they would only let me check out 2 books!. They are centuries apart in technologies. The 2 book rule must go back to the dark ages.

In some ways our country is way too homogenized, probably impossible to stop considering tv, movies, social networking sites, and ease of travel. Every semi-large place has a McDonald's or two, Olive Garden, Starbucks, Target, Pizza Hut, etc. What I really like is to eat and shop at places that are really rooted in their place (like the Tattered Cover, McGuckin's Hardware, The Green Bean, The Wild Rose, and MONA{Museum of Nebraska Art}).

Even with all the connectedness, this sameness in our culture, there is not a greater understanding of the essential likeness of all of us.

end of spring, beginning of summer

bonfire in back yeard







leslie marie

contrary to what most school children believe, summer does not begin on the day school is dismissed for summer vacation. confusing, i know, but summer usually starts around june 21 or 22 on the summer solstice.

all the holidays in belle are mostly appropriated by sis's relatives and friends, so we thought we would have a summer solstice party. granted it is fairly close to the fourth, but it was the best candidate for a get together in the month of june. we decided to have a burning of old financial papers party in the back yard, so the party started at 8:30 and went till all the papers were turned to ash. it went well, with some people bringing a box or two. it is either burn the papers or shred them and the cheap shredders only take one or two sheets at a time.

after the solstice, a raced out to california to be with my daughter who was having a baby. the drive through south dakota, wyoming, and western colorado was great. utah and nevada ....well, not much to say. the worst though was the drive from las vegas to los angelos , especially since it was a sunday night. lots of dead and resting cars along the way to go with the slow and go traffic.

leslie marie was born on monday evening, june 30. since she was tiny, she has to be in the hospital till she gains a little weight, but she is working on that mightily. mom gets to come home earlier.

that is all the good news, and the really great news. the bad news is i had to put dennis my buddy cat asleep, and the other bad news .... i think there is something wrong with the brake on the front right of my mini. urgg.

you can't go home

top - port isaac, cornwall
middle - gloucester, england
bottom - edinburgh, scotland

in the early seventies, i was in edinburgh. i remember it being charming, sweet, and green. i remember going through the old part of town and taking a tour through holyrood castle (which was especially meaningful as i had just finished reading Mary, Queen of Scots, by Frazier).

this time it seem noisy, dirty, and uncharming. there may have been extenuating circumstances for this impression. one, all the streets downtown were torn apart and there was a lot of accompanying noise. two, we didn't visit the castle or the old part of town. three, we were rushed and did not have time to really spend time poking around in the little nooks and crannies. we stayed next to the zoo and did not even have time to visit.

i remember going back to the street i spent my high school years living on to find the house were i had lived. half of the houses on the block had been torn down including my old home. now i am fearful of going back to boulder and boulder county for all the changes i will find. the small funky town is no more.

if you live in a place the changes are gradual enough (even the startling changes) so you are not shocked. you grow into the new stuff. guess i will not be doing a schmidt trip!

on the other hand the visit to gloucester cathedral was wonderful. i had seen pictures in art books and have watched the Harry Potter movies that used the cathedral as background. but real life is always more. the fan ceilings of the hall was wonderful. i originally put it on my itinerary to cross off one of the items on my bucket list--to hear an organ in a gothic church. i scoured the guide books to find a church that had evensong and gloucester happened to be on our way to port isaac. i didn't quite hear a pipe organ--they were singing baroque music hence were accompanied by a small electric organ in a box. BUT....it turns out that the cathedral is famous for its singers. people come from all over to go to school in town so they can sing in the choir. all males, ages ranging from quite young to older. we were able to sit in the quire and the accoustics were all that i had expected. i was supprised that their were not more people there to listen (only about 10).

port isaac also turned out to be a pleasant experience. even though i had seen it on tv and in the movie Saving Grace, it was my first visit. it was a little touristy, but not spoiled like rye.

sometimes expectations can be totally crushed, sometimes altered as in the case of the organ (i didn't hear a pipe organ, but the singing was a great replacement), and sometimes it turns out just right. i would guess that if i were to go back to port isaac in a few years i would experience the same sense of dissapointment i felt when i visited edinburgh.

being old

my sis and i went to overseas for 2 weeks and when i came back i found my cat ill. he did not bond with the house sitter and was very weak and had fluid in his longs. he is an old cat. i guess the lesson is old things do not like changes very well. the older you get the less you like them.

my great aunt in her last years...she lived to be over a hundred...ate the same food for her meals everyday. she didn't want any changes. i notice that as i get older, my eating habits are less adventuresome. more and more foods do not settle well.

i had changed cat food, because science diet raised there prices every month...or so it seemed. i had been feeding the cats that since they were young. dennis did not like the new food. i had changed it just before i left. turned out not to be a good idea. had to change back to get him to eat.

the doctors told me ...when i was thinking about moving mom to nebraska... that very old people usually die within a short time after a move. she chose to move rather than stay in boulder where she knew where things were and were she had friends. withing six months she had passed away. she was 90.

so i am thinking that if i don't move soon...and it is not a good time to move....i will be in this house (which i like--just don't like the cold weather and am far away from kids) until i die. the question is, how old is too old to be thinking about moving around?

even though i am an older person, i planned the route for our overseas trip. my computer got quite the workout. i especially liked that i could plan and print out railroad schedules for our trips in england and france. i am old but not foolish. my sis and i decided it would be less frustrating to ride the trains rather than try to drive on the left side of the road. she made all the reservations and so we went and had a great time.

and even though i don't program or do all the things that young people do today on computers, i still try to do new things. my kids help me:)

girly girl

my grandniece was given the assignment to make an easter bunny collage at school. as you can see, she is a girly girl. her bunny has hair, hairband, earrings, necklace, eyelashes with a special touch on the tips of the eyelash, and a little blush on the cheeks. i especially like the fetching attitude of the bent ear! i don't know how my daughter will cope if she just happens to have a girly girl. i don't think there is much chance; but you never know. my grandniece sometimes comes over to visit and last time she had a bag the size of a small carryon filled with her makeup and her mother's old makeup. BUT, she plays a lot with legos. yeah!

good neighbors

sis and i gave it a try. we would go out, shovel; come in, rest; and repeat. but i could tell we were not making much progress toward getting out even though the snow pile was really getting tall. so i went down and asked the neighbor with his little four wheeler if he could help. and he did. we paid him brownies and some gas money. he was very nice. he said the city working all day (plus yesterday) would only have about an eighth of the city plowed. they don't have the equipment. i think the big highways are probably open. at least we are not trapped in our house anymore. ranch mart is open (so our neighbors tell us) so we could buy food if we need. sort of....ranch mart is a gas station store.

another fun little project

i decided i really couldn't afford a messenger bag, so i decided to make one. ha~ it may or may not work. will test it out in the next few weeks.

Not a care free place to be!

last year it was the rainy spring with flooding....serious flooding and water almost coming into our basement. this year it is a big, big blizzard and if the snow melts quickly; we might have water coming in our basement.