;the blind eye

it isn't that i am trying to hide from sonething, or deny its existence. my soul cannot weep a thousand years and survive, my eyes cannot survey darkness on end and live. my russian years of dark stories that were forever was in college, i was stronger then. and what brought this all on.... no sun for weeks and watching The Hiding Place today for MLK day. I was weeping at the end. I remember as a teenager someone comeing to our church and showing black and white slides of the Holacaust in the dark middle basement room . Black and white slides???? is that possible. in my memory they are black and white and sad beyond music or words. the only story that comes as close is jerzy kazinski's The Painted Bird. i tend to be a rather somber person anyway... i need the light to balance my life. well to save my life.